Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the boo's.
RSS Feed
Posts
All Comments
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Governator Gets Subliminal
Saw this over on Ken Ashford's The Seventh Sense blog.
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger returned a bill to the State Assembly Tuesday night with a little note explaining why he was not signing the legislation. As he explains in his note, he feels the Assembly has failed to act on real concerns in the state.
Simple enough, right?
But Wednesday morning, some sharp-eyed readers felt that the Governator was sending a subliminal message to the state lawmakers.
Is this real? Apparently it is, and if it is it's pretty amusing in...you know...a bad sort of way.
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger returned a bill to the State Assembly Tuesday night with a little note explaining why he was not signing the legislation. As he explains in his note, he feels the Assembly has failed to act on real concerns in the state.
Simple enough, right?
But Wednesday morning, some sharp-eyed readers felt that the Governator was sending a subliminal message to the state lawmakers.
Is this real? Apparently it is, and if it is it's pretty amusing in...you know...a bad sort of way.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
"Cap'n, She Canna Tae Much More!"
I'm checked into my new hotel room. Everything is good though I'm not thrilled that there are no thermostat controls in the rooms, only fan controls. I assume it's because this is an "atrium" style hotel (most of the rooms open into the enclosed atrium - see photos below) and they want to keep the temperature at a moderate level, but I usually prefer to have my room a little cooler than most people. I'm sure I'll adjust, especially since the good points heavily outweigh that one negative.
View from my door looking across the atrium.
View looking down in the atrium.
Plus I've had my first amusing experience here. I had come up (I'm on the top floor, which is the 10th) to check out the room before bringing my luggage all the way up to the room. One thing I didn't do was turn on the TV's (one in the front room and one in the bedroom) and I know better but for some reason I didn't do it. Later, after I had unpacked and was settled in, I turned on the front room TV to be greeted with sound but no picture. I checked the bedroom TV and it was fine. I called down to the front desk, explained the situation, and the clerk replied, "No problem sir, I'll send the engineer up."
Whoa! They have an electrical engineer on staff at this hotel? I mean, it's a nice hotel but not THAT nice.
A few minutes later there was a knock at my door and when I opened it I was greeted by...the maintenance man. He came in, quickly identified the problem as an encryption card issue that required a simple reset, and in a few seconds my TV was fully functional. As he was about to leave I said, "So, you're an electrical engineer?" and he replied, "No, hotel maintenance. But we handle most of the simple problems."
Ah, the desk clerk must have meant maintenance engineer.
View from my door looking across the atrium.
View looking down in the atrium.
Plus I've had my first amusing experience here. I had come up (I'm on the top floor, which is the 10th) to check out the room before bringing my luggage all the way up to the room. One thing I didn't do was turn on the TV's (one in the front room and one in the bedroom) and I know better but for some reason I didn't do it. Later, after I had unpacked and was settled in, I turned on the front room TV to be greeted with sound but no picture. I checked the bedroom TV and it was fine. I called down to the front desk, explained the situation, and the clerk replied, "No problem sir, I'll send the engineer up."
Whoa! They have an electrical engineer on staff at this hotel? I mean, it's a nice hotel but not THAT nice.
A few minutes later there was a knock at my door and when I opened it I was greeted by...the maintenance man. He came in, quickly identified the problem as an encryption card issue that required a simple reset, and in a few seconds my TV was fully functional. As he was about to leave I said, "So, you're an electrical engineer?" and he replied, "No, hotel maintenance. But we handle most of the simple problems."
Ah, the desk clerk must have meant maintenance engineer.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Takin' Care Of Business
Today was a "mostly at my desk" day doing paperwork and preparing an agenda and collateral documents for a large conference call this coming Wednesday, so I took advantage of the seat time to listen to music on my iPhone using the stereo Bluetooth headset so no one could hear my tunes. 
Everything was fine until, apparently, I got into the music a little too much. Foot tapping, arm waving, air-guitaring and head shaking to Takin' Care of Business by Bachman Turner Overdrive earned me some funny looks and is NOT a good idea in a big government agency office.Taking care of business and working overtime
Work out!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Myriad Musings
Last night or early this morning I had a dream that my mother, who is in an assisted-living facility, was living on her own and had bought an alligator with a bum leg as a pet. She said it was a safe pet because with its bum leg it couldn't move fast enough to catch anyone.
I have NO idea from which strange recesses of my mind that dream might have originated. It was almost as outlandish as my dream involving Mariah Carey a few nights ago. But not nearly as fun.
I think one of my co-workers was ticked today that I didn't take her hint that she wanted to go to lunch together so she could talk about office politics, but I really prefer (and in this case, needed) to have some time to myself and NOT have business on my mind. I'm such a social hermit anyway.
Wow, just found out today that a lot of my friends in other departments are being sent home on Saturday.
Thinking about going to the High Museum here in Atlanta to see the Da Vinci Exhibition on Sunday. But since it's my only day off this week, I may wait and see if we get 2 days off next week. I love just about anything to do with Da Vinci. This exhibit is scheduled to be there through February of next year so as far as I know I have plenty of time.
Today a woman walked into the men's room of my office building while I was in the stall. I could see her through the opening between the door and the wall and was about to cough as a hint she was in the wrong room. But just before I did she spotted the urinals on the wall and beat a hasty retreat out the door.
I have NO idea from which strange recesses of my mind that dream might have originated. It was almost as outlandish as my dream involving Mariah Carey a few nights ago. But not nearly as fun.
I think one of my co-workers was ticked today that I didn't take her hint that she wanted to go to lunch together so she could talk about office politics, but I really prefer (and in this case, needed) to have some time to myself and NOT have business on my mind. I'm such a social hermit anyway.
Wow, just found out today that a lot of my friends in other departments are being sent home on Saturday.
Thinking about going to the High Museum here in Atlanta to see the Da Vinci Exhibition on Sunday. But since it's my only day off this week, I may wait and see if we get 2 days off next week. I love just about anything to do with Da Vinci. This exhibit is scheduled to be there through February of next year so as far as I know I have plenty of time.
Today a woman walked into the men's room of my office building while I was in the stall. I could see her through the opening between the door and the wall and was about to cough as a hint she was in the wrong room. But just before I did she spotted the urinals on the wall and beat a hasty retreat out the door.
Monday, October 12, 2009
H1N1 Handshake
My employer is holding a series of H1N1 awareness classes and this past Friday morning was my turn to attend with about 30 of my colleagues. We learned to cough into the inside of our elbow and that "the bump" is gaining acceptance as a substitute for shaking hands. The President and First Lady probably had no idea they were exhibiting a precursor to staying healthy and not passing germs and bacteria around when they gave each other that famous show of affection.
Whenever I leave a meeting at a Senator's or Congressman's office and I've been shaking hands so much it seems like I might be like a politician myself, I always get out the bottle of Purell I keep in my car and liberally douse my hands and wrists before driving away. Maybe now I can convince them that we should just do "the bump."Wonder Twin powers activate!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
When Your Bumper Sticker And Your Actions Don't Match
Last Friday I drove up to visit my mom. I take the Florida Turnpike for a portion of my trip and had seen a couple of Florida Highway Patrol cars so I made sure not to go more than 5 MPH over the posted speed limit of 65. After all, it was the beginning of the Labor Day weekend and you just know that some speeders are going to be used as an example early on.
So I'm driving along in the right-hand lane, doing about 70, and I see this minivan in my mirror roaring up behind me in the left-hand lane. As it blows by me, easily clocking 85 to 90 MPH, I spot a large sticker on the back windshield that reads:
I Drive 55 For Safety
Right...
So I'm driving along in the right-hand lane, doing about 70, and I see this minivan in my mirror roaring up behind me in the left-hand lane. As it blows by me, easily clocking 85 to 90 MPH, I spot a large sticker on the back windshield that reads:
I Drive 55 For Safety
Right...
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Atheist Pet Sitters
Here's a subject appropriate for Sunday. Let's say you're a Christian. A born-again, washed in the blood of Jesus, child of God, citizen of heaven Christian. You know, because the Bible tells you, that there is a chance that you will be alive when the rapture occurs; when Jesus appears in the clouds and calls all his believers home. We'll skip over all that complicated stuff as to whether the rapture is pre, mid or post-tribulation and just agree that no matter when, it is going to happen. No matter how silly, how far-fetched or how ridiculous the whole thing sounds. Right?
Maybe you haven't thought of this yet, but surely the question will occur to you, as you are levitating through the air like a Criss Angel subject; "What about my pet I'm leaving behind? Who will take care of my beloved pet?"
Well, you might just be surprised to find out who has the answer for you.
A group of animal-loving atheists have banded together to provide a service known as Eternal Earth-Bound Pets to take that burden off your heart, mind and soul. Here's how they describe themselves and their service:
We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.
We are currently active in 20 states [Sadly, my fellow Floridians, they have no such service yet for the Sunshine State] and growing. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.
You can find out more details at their official website. I gotta tell you, it is a real deal to ensure your peace of mind when you leave your pet behind for the streets of gold.
Maybe you haven't thought of this yet, but surely the question will occur to you, as you are levitating through the air like a Criss Angel subject; "What about my pet I'm leaving behind? Who will take care of my beloved pet?"
Well, you might just be surprised to find out who has the answer for you.
A group of animal-loving atheists have banded together to provide a service known as Eternal Earth-Bound Pets to take that burden off your heart, mind and soul. Here's how they describe themselves and their service:
We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.
We are currently active in 20 states [Sadly, my fellow Floridians, they have no such service yet for the Sunshine State] and growing. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.
You can find out more details at their official website. I gotta tell you, it is a real deal to ensure your peace of mind when you leave your pet behind for the streets of gold.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Write In American English
Trolling the online postings for writing jobs I've noticed quite a few ads now contain wording that requests, in effect, the candidate be able to "...write in American English." I believe this is generally for two reasons; even though the entity may be located in lower Slobovia, they want it to appear that they are actually in the good ol' US of A OR the entity wants to be sure that no matter where YOU may be located in the world, you have the ability to write as if you're a red-blooded American. It's all about marketing, presentation and packaging.
That might be an area that e-mail spammers and scammers should consider giving a little extra attention to in order to be more successful in passing off their crap as the real deal. We've all received those "official" e-mail notices which purport to be from some government agency or private business (such as a bank) that contain such mangled "English" wording, goofy grammatical errors and strange syntax as to be immediately identified as fraudulent.
Here's an amusing example of an "official" e-mail supposedly from the FBI that is chock full of misspelled and misused words, twisted phrases, mangled verb tenses and just plain weird ideas about how America's top law enforcement agency ("a biggest security company here in Washington D.C") actually works. That doesn't even count the strange date format that makes it appear this missive has traveled from the future (either September 12, 2009 or December 9, 2009) and the fact that it originated from and refers the reader to a Gmail address.
[Washington Field Office Banner with FBI Seal linking to FBI Home]
Anti-Terrorist and Monitary Crimes Division.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION.
J. EDGAR. HOOVER BUILDING WASHINGTON D.C
12/09/2009
ATTENTION: beneficiaries,
We received an email, Just to let you know that the said fund has been confirmed in your name, the funds are right now in our custody in your name waiting to be release to you, we have verified and investigated that you are the right beneficiary to claim the funds, all we need from you is verification and proof due to the amount involved.
As a biggest security company here in Washington D.C we are to serve and to protect our citizen. The only advice we can give to you as at this time is to try your best to comply with the required document so that your funds will be release to you in your favor, this funds are rightfully yours. You can obtain the document from our branch Office in New Jersey.
We have done our verification on your FBI Identification Record with our Social Security Number, the only document remaining now is the Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) Which should be issued to you from our branch Office in New Jersey, you are to contact the Federal Bureau Of Investigation (FBI) New Jersey to obtain the above required document, find bellow their contact email address: ( fbi.vision2020@gmail.com) Contact this people immediately to obtain the document.
Furthermore, be advice that according to the United State Law and also the FBI rules and regulations, you are to obtain the document from the FBI in New Jersey where the fund was transferred to. Also Note that you are to take care of the Document to be issued to you right away, because due to how important and secured the document is, it is not issued just like that. You are to take care of the document by sending to the FBI New Jersey right away,That is the only way the FBI New Jersey will issue you the document, because they are going to issue you the Authentic/Original copy of the document.
You are here by advice to Contact them through the email address above to acquire from them on how you are going to send the fee to them. Note that you are to do this immediately if you really want your fund to be credited to your account and also if you don't want any action to be before you. We have already informed the New Jersey FBI about the present situation, so go ahead and contact them immediately. Your fund is now on our custody and will only be release to you with the confirmation of the required document. After that the fund will be release to you immediately without any delay.
NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date records possible for no criminal justice purposes.
WARNING: Do not fail to produce the above requirement in the next 72 hours, legal action will be taken immediately by arresting and detaining you, justificated and if found guilty, you will be jailed. As terrorism, drug trafficking and money laundering is a serious problem in our community today. The F.B.I will not stop at any length in tracking down and persecuting any criminal who indulge in this criminal act.
Faithfully Yours,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller, III
That might be an area that e-mail spammers and scammers should consider giving a little extra attention to in order to be more successful in passing off their crap as the real deal. We've all received those "official" e-mail notices which purport to be from some government agency or private business (such as a bank) that contain such mangled "English" wording, goofy grammatical errors and strange syntax as to be immediately identified as fraudulent.
Here's an amusing example of an "official" e-mail supposedly from the FBI that is chock full of misspelled and misused words, twisted phrases, mangled verb tenses and just plain weird ideas about how America's top law enforcement agency ("a biggest security company here in Washington D.C") actually works. That doesn't even count the strange date format that makes it appear this missive has traveled from the future (either September 12, 2009 or December 9, 2009) and the fact that it originated from and refers the reader to a Gmail address.
[Washington Field Office Banner with FBI Seal linking to FBI Home]
Anti-Terrorist and Monitary Crimes Division.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION.
J. EDGAR. HOOVER BUILDING WASHINGTON D.C
12/09/2009
ATTENTION: beneficiaries,
We received an email, Just to let you know that the said fund has been confirmed in your name, the funds are right now in our custody in your name waiting to be release to you, we have verified and investigated that you are the right beneficiary to claim the funds, all we need from you is verification and proof due to the amount involved.
As a biggest security company here in Washington D.C we are to serve and to protect our citizen. The only advice we can give to you as at this time is to try your best to comply with the required document so that your funds will be release to you in your favor, this funds are rightfully yours. You can obtain the document from our branch Office in New Jersey.
We have done our verification on your FBI Identification Record with our Social Security Number, the only document remaining now is the Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) Which should be issued to you from our branch Office in New Jersey, you are to contact the Federal Bureau Of Investigation (FBI) New Jersey to obtain the above required document, find bellow their contact email address: ( fbi.vision2020@gmail.com) Contact this people immediately to obtain the document.
Furthermore, be advice that according to the United State Law and also the FBI rules and regulations, you are to obtain the document from the FBI in New Jersey where the fund was transferred to. Also Note that you are to take care of the Document to be issued to you right away, because due to how important and secured the document is, it is not issued just like that. You are to take care of the document by sending to the FBI New Jersey right away,That is the only way the FBI New Jersey will issue you the document, because they are going to issue you the Authentic/Original copy of the document.
You are here by advice to Contact them through the email address above to acquire from them on how you are going to send the fee to them. Note that you are to do this immediately if you really want your fund to be credited to your account and also if you don't want any action to be before you. We have already informed the New Jersey FBI about the present situation, so go ahead and contact them immediately. Your fund is now on our custody and will only be release to you with the confirmation of the required document. After that the fund will be release to you immediately without any delay.
NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date records possible for no criminal justice purposes.
WARNING: Do not fail to produce the above requirement in the next 72 hours, legal action will be taken immediately by arresting and detaining you, justificated and if found guilty, you will be jailed. As terrorism, drug trafficking and money laundering is a serious problem in our community today. The F.B.I will not stop at any length in tracking down and persecuting any criminal who indulge in this criminal act.
Faithfully Yours,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller, III
Monday, August 17, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
SERIOUS Cyber Security Threat Reaction
Without a doubt, cyber security is a serious issue...no matter where you are. But in Boston, they take their reactions to online virus threats VERY seriously as evidenced by their website instructions about how to stay safe online.
In case you're having difficulty reading it in the screen capture above, here's an enlarged section. Pay particular attention to the next to the last instruction (highlighted), should you find yourself in a compromising position with an online virus, worm or Trojan horse program.
I mean...damn!
In case you're having difficulty reading it in the screen capture above, here's an enlarged section. Pay particular attention to the next to the last instruction (highlighted), should you find yourself in a compromising position with an online virus, worm or Trojan horse program.
I mean...damn!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Greeting Cards
You know how, when you need to get a birthday, anniversary, graduation or holiday card for someone, and you go to the Hallmark store, or the greeting card section of a Walgreen's or Publix? Sometimes you're lucky and you find that special card that says exactly how you feel on the first or second card, but sometimes you feel like you have looked at every friggin' card on the shelves and still can't find the one that seems appropriate. I can't remember where I got this, but I found it in one of my files today and thought it might be humorous to some. So, for your laughter's sake, I present the greeting cards that say what you're really feeling.
1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.
2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am...(Inside card) - That
you're not here to ruin it for me.
4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.
5. Someday I hope to marry...(Inside card) - Someone other than you.
6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....(Inside card) - Almost life-like!
7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...(Inside card) - Now that we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.
8. We've been friends for a very long time...(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?
9. I'm so miserable without you...(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here
10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?
11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.
12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.
13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia, Alabama, and Arkansas)
14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...(Inside card) - What was I thinking?
15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.
Friday, July 24, 2009
First IT Professional Service Call
One of our instructors this past week showed us this video and I had to share it. Be sure to read the English sub-titles at the top of the screen, not the Norwegian ones at the bottom.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Pullin' a Palin
The Urban Dictionary has just added a new phrase:Pullin' a Palin
1. Quitting when the going gets tough; abandoning the responsibility entrusted to you by your neighbors for book advances and to make money on the lecture circuit.
2. Bizarre move that will damn ambitions for higher office.
I bet when people saw Jade they were convinced that David Caruso was pullin' a Palin.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
